#91: a hard look at your most intimate digital habits
[July Book Recc] Second Life by Amanda Hess
Good morning! I've been thinking a lot about my own reading practices [I read widely—across formats, topics, and moods—but I rarely pause to sit with a single work and let it settle.] So I decided to create a monthly ritual where I choose 1 thing I have read to sit with for an afternoon and "file" into my library. Think of it as a reading invitation—each month, I'll share what I'm dwelling on and why it might be worth your time too. July's pick is below. —Jihii
This Month's Pick:
Second Life: Having a Child in the Digital Age by Amanda Hess
Why this, why now?:
In a world that feels like it's on the precipice of irrevocable culture change due to emerging tech, Hess does something I have found myself craving… she holds up a pretty clear mirror to our most intimate digital habits. The soothing allure of our phones during vulnerable moments, the intensity with which we can experience a "what if" just because we can go down a rabbit hole, the way online norms shout louder than in-person wisdom.
What question does this help us ask?
Are we truly aware of the impact that technology has on our psyche as parents or parents-to-be (or honestly, really anyone who has ever brought health or wellness questions to the internet)?
How it's structured:
As an internet culture critic for The New York Times, Amanda Hess had built a reputation among readers as a sharp observer of the seductions and manipulations of online life. But when Hess discovered she was pregnant with her first child, she found herself unexpectedly rattled by a digital identity crisis of her own.
In the summer of 2020, a routine ultrasound detected a mysterious abnormality in Hess's baby. Without hesitation, she reached for her phone, looking for answers. But rather than allaying her anxieties, her search sucked her into the destabilizing morass of the internet, and she was vulnerable—more than ever—to conspiracy, myth, judgment, commerce, and obsession.
As Hess documents her escalating relationship with the digital world, she identifies how technologies act as portals to troubling ideologies, ethical conflicts, and existential questions, and she illuminates how the American traditions of eugenics, surveillance, and hyper-individualism are recycled through these shiny products for a new generation of parents and their children.
At once funny, heartbreaking, and surreal, Second Life is a journey that spans a network of fertility apps, prenatal genetic tests, gender reveal videos, rare disease Facebook groups, "freebirth" influencers, and hospital reality shows. Hess confronts technology's distortions as they follow her through pregnancy and into her son's early life. The result is a critical record of our digital age that reveals the unspoken ways our lives are being fractured and reconstituted by technology.
How to read it:
Format: Hess has a compelling reading voice so I recommend the audiobook (it's on Spotify Premium).
Vibe: It's not fast or riveting, and if you are a pregnant person or have a young child, it may hit a little too close to home. So I would suggest pacing yourself for parts of the day when you feel like you want to do some background thinking on a topic that is very familiar, but someone is putting into clear words and offering reported history behind.
Where I am in the process:
I'm a little over halfway through the book and I also participated in a book discussion with some local moms about it last week.
My biggest insight so far: the internet feels much louder when you don't have IRL people to talk about these things with. The same info coming from a person in real life is not as loud as it is on social media. Maybe our best chance at navigating digital life is to invest better in real life?
Longer notes in progress in The Library.
Happy Sunday,
Jihii